


Secrets & Lies

by AnneBridge



Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Bad Decisions, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Unplanned Pregnancy, non-incestuous you creeps, oh no! i had sex with my best friend whatever shall i do, slow burn?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2020-12-24 08:42:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21096629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnneBridge/pseuds/AnneBridge
Summary: Scott and Hope had been best friends for years, but one mistake was enough for this relationship to change. A few glasses of wine tied to heartache and an undeclared love made Hope and Scott cross the line and sleep together, resulting in an unplanned pregnancy.She omitted the truth and he moved to England, having no idea that he was about to become a father. Years later, while dealing with fame and a teenage daughter, Hope has the chance to clarify things.





	1. Wrapped 'round my finger like a ring

**Author's Note:**

> hi! english isn't my first language so i'm sorry for any mistakes  
thanks to @lilahawk, Anna and Jessica for supporting me with this

_ "And then I saw you," Scott said with his voice breaking. "And I fell in love at that very moment." _

_ Hope blinked, watching him approach. _

_ "You're lying," she murmured. _

“_Why would I?”, the two were now so close that the man could touch her face with just the lift of an arm. _

_ "I'm not the kind of person who makes others fall in love with." _

_ Scott laughed, raising his arm to touch her delicate face, running his fingers through the freckles on her cheek. Hope leaned into the touch. _

_ "Well, I think you're the one lying here." _

_ After a second he bent, linking his lips to hers in a kiss that they waited too long to exchange. Scott pulled the woman’s body closer to him with his free hand as she raised her arms to his neck, pressing her thin fingers there. A couple of seconds later, the kiss was over. Their eyes met and they smiled in a silent promise about the future. _

“And... Cut!” the director said before the bell rang and everyone in the room shouted in celebration.

They seemed to be in a trance. It was as if a mute button has been pressed and the rest of the world lost their sounds. Their orbs were connected, talking to each other, making the absence of words not important at the moment; it was if they knew a language of their own. Scott's hands still touched Hope's skin and the warmth emanating from them made the woman feel comfortable. It was so good. But she couldn't feel that way, not with the man in front of her.

The feelings that affected them at that moment bordered the extremes. However, they were still interconnected by the same spark generated by that first contact between their lips. Hope was confused. After all, it was supposed to be a scene like any other except for that kiss. Her heart seemed to want to jump out of her chest and explode into millions of pieces, such was the excitement that her core faced.

She could spend hours staring at his iris. It was amazing. And crazy. And made her even more confused. She wanted her feet to take the initiative to get out of there, to get away from that flood of feelings but it seemed they didn't want to obey her either. Up close, she could see all his features and he seemed to be doing the same thing as her. Memorizing all of her details.

Unlike Hope, Scott knew how he felt. He knew that his heart was destined to the woman in front of him and the kiss they shared only confirmed his feelings. He just wanted to stop time. He wanted to have the woman in his arms and kiss her lips whenever he felt like it. However, that was not a reality for him.

Hope had a boyfriend and even if his heart screamed to say everything he felt, he didn't want to disrespect her or her relationship; neither ends their beautiful friendship. So he just contented himself to watch her from afar silently wishing her to be his.

For both of them that moment had lasted forever but it hadn't been more than a few seconds. And they soon realized that when Ava appeared pulling Hope into a hug, taking her away from all trance.

“You did it, I'm so happy!” The other woman said, hugging her friend as tightly as she could.

"_We _did it," Hope corrected, glancing between Ava and Scott after leaving the hug.

As if it were a wordless mutual agreement as they faced each other again, both decided to ignore the event of seconds ago and pretend that nothing had happened. And for Scott it was like sticking a stake in his beating heart but he was already used to it.

"Nah," Ava shrugged mockingly. "We both did more than this idiot standing there."

Scott laughed, shaking his head. The woman in front of him did everything to annoy him but he wouldn't trade that friendship for anything.

"I love you too, Ava." The man winked at her, listening to his other friend chuckle.

After that the director approached, congratulating them on the scene and explaining what would happen next. Hope and Scott had shot their last scene together but there were still a few more to complete the movie, so they would rarely see each other around the studio. When the director said those words the actor felt something in his heart, like a tug that made his chest hurt.

Scott was so used to acting with Hope every day, seeing her every day, hugging her when they arrived in the morning, hearing her laugh over lunch and feeling her head against his shoulder as they rested in between the scenes, that for a moment he forgot that all of these would be over one day. 

They were friends and would keep seeing each other but it wouldn't be the same. All Scott wanted was to rewind a few hours just to make the most of his last day with this woman.

“Anybody want a ride home? I'm leaving now,” Ava said, and only then did the man realize that the director was gone and left the three of them alone again.

"Uhh, no. I came in my car, thanks." He replied, putting his hands in his pockets.

"And you, Hope?"

“I…”

The actress started to say but something behind Ava caught her eye and she lost her words. Scott shifted his gaze and found what the woman was looking at. His throat dried up and he instantly felt uncomfortable.

“Darren?” Hope said, coming out of her friends to greet her _boyfriend. “ _What are you doing here? I thought you were at the company.”

“I left early, I thought I'd come to see you and ask you a question…”

From where he was, Scott could hear the conversation and watch the woman frown at the question.

“What question?”

Darren moved closer, reaching up to touch the woman's face and tucking her short hair behind her ear.

"I've been thinking about this for a few days. We've been together for some time now and the next step is a marriage proposal…” He said, putting his free hand in his pocket and pulling out a ring with a diamond on top. Scott felt his heart race. "Hope Van Dyne, will you marry me?"

And for a second time that day the world seemed to stop. Only now it was different. Scott wasn't looking into Hope's eyes, touching her, trying to react to a kiss he always wanted to give. Now it was different because the woman he loved was in the arms of another man being proposed, making even more impossible a dream that he wanted to fulfill.

Darren smiled as Hope stared at the ring. _ Oh, God. _How it all seemed wrong. Cross wasn't kneeling nor was he concerned about it. This wasn't a minimally romantic moment and everyone present was watching the scene unfold, waiting for an answer from the woman. Scott could guess what she was feeling since he knew her well. Hope would be much more comfortable if the proposal was made privately and not with a dozen people around.

Scott knew how to treat her. Darren didn’t.

First, he would take her to relax, to forget about the stressful hours they spent filming. They would take a day for them to do whatever they wanted and have fun. Then at night, he would take her to the restaurant she loved, where they would talk about everything and nothing, with their hands together on the table and their fingers entwined.

Later in their apartment and after one or two glasses of wine, Scott would kneel, take the ring out of his pocket, and say how much he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Hope would laugh tearfully before saying a euphoric yes, letting him put the ring her left-hand finger.

But that was nowhere near happening, simply because he wasn’t the person to whom her heart belonged.

"So..." Darren's voice broke out Scott's thoughts, waking him up from a life he would never have. “What do you say?”

The actor wanted Hope to turn around, to look at him, as if somehow that little action could stop the next events but she didn't. Instead, she gave her boyfriend a small smile and said:

“Yes. I'll marry you.”

Beside him Ava celebrated, clapping her hands and laughing. The only thing Scott could do was walk backward, moving slowly away from the spectacle until it was safe to turn and run away to where he could cry.

Running into a reality where the woman he loved wasn’t in someone else's arms.


	2. It's nice to have a friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope realizes something, Scott talks with Luis about his feelings and Hank and Janet are the best. Also, Darren is a true asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i know this chapter is so late and i can only say I'M SORRY

Hope crossed the sea of people, trying to dodge the photographers' blinding flashes. She intended to stay out of the spotlight for a few minutes, just to put her thoughts in order and to swallow the urge to cry.

_ "I can't believe you didn't come," _was what she typed on her phone for Darren, before apologizing for bumping into someone she couldn’t even manage to see the face. _ "Today is a big day for me, can't you leave the company for one night?" _

Hope kept walking, passing through doors and rooms until she entered an empty place - except for her and a security guard - where she could breathe.

_ "No, Hope. I can't," _her fiancé's reply came after a few minutes. _ “If the Japanese investors agree with our project, Cross Tech will leverage. I need to focus on that.” _

Something like a laugh escaped from her lips and she looked up, shaking her head in disbelief.

_ “It's the premiere of your fiancée's movie! You know how people are going to talk about it."_

The phrase in her head was angry, but when she typed and hit the send button, it felt more like despair and she hated herself for it.

_ “I don't care about them. I'll be there for your next movie, I promise.” _

There were more things she would like to say to him. Cursing him was also an option, but she didn't want that kind of stress, not that day nor that moment, so Hope just sent a _ “Whatever, Darren. Have a good night at work” _and locked the phone, before finding herself lost in her thoughts and an empty room.

She shouldn't be there. She realized that from the way the security guard was looking at her, however, he didn't dare take her out.

As she felt tears burning behind her eyes, she took a deep breath before walking to the other side of the room and through the door. The woman hadn't noticed it was so stuffy in there until she breathed in the fresh air outside.

Down three white marble steps, Hope looked around and realized all that nervous and senseless walking had taken her to an outside garden, where few trees and colorful flower beds adorned the environment. Bathed in the moonlight, it was an almost calming image.

The icy breeze came in through her nose and burned her lungs, making her shiver and curse for having bare legs, but at least the place was empty and she could think. Sitting on the only bench there, Hope tried to forget the cold and control her feelings.

To be honest, she didn't understand where her relationship with Darren was at. Things were strange between them, colder, unlike the exciting spark that was the beginning of the relationship. The businessman barely had time for her, rarely accompanied her on events related to her career, but insisted that Hope be present at any company party, with him holding on to her thin waist as if she were a piece of meat and he was a hungry lion. At first, she thought it was a sign of jealousy because they were always surrounded by men and women who would give anything to be by her side, where Darren was, but that stopped making sense when he stopped attending anything that she said it was important, always filling it with excuses and putting the company first.

Even the conversations were boring and tedious, starting with an uncertain "hello" and ending with them sitting quietly in the living room (Hope leafing through a _ script _and Darren focused on a pile of reports), or with one lying back away from each other on the bed. It was clear that neither of them belonged to the other's world, but Hope wanted to make it work. She _had _to make it work.

At a woman's thirty-three years of age, people expect her to be married and have children. Hope felt pressured by that, mainly because she was famous and had her parents' wedding as an example to be followed. At that age, Hank and Janet were celebrating a tin anniversary, while she hadn't even chosen the church where the ceremony would be held.

Their relationship was envied by a good part of Hollywood, and even by Hope, who as a child dreamed of a prince charming. They met at Margaret Carter’s wedding (or Aunt Peggy, as she liked to call her parents' friend), and it had been love at first sight. They dated for just over a year, got married in May of the following year, had their first and only daughter just four years after they met and were together until today.

Hope dreamed of it, a relationship based on love and trust that would last a lifetime, but she knew that dream was far from being realized. She and Darren were accommodated. She knew that what they felt was not the overwhelming love she wished for. It never was, but it was safer to go on with the marriage than to start a new adventure at the height of her thirty-three years. Because with a ring on her left hand, people would stop talking about it.

The moment she finally accepted that her life would not take the direction she wanted, her phone buzzed with a new message. Hope was ready to yell at Darren again until she realized it wasn't her fiancé's name that was on the notification bar.

_ "Hey, they are going to play the movie already. Where are you?" _

Scott's concern was visible in just a few words and only then did Hope realize how long it was gone. She could imagine her best friend looking for her around the room, running around the place like a dizzy cockroach, before sending a message because he couldn't find her anywhere. The thought made her laugh softly and forget a little about the cold and the problems.

_ "In the garden back here." _

_ "What happened?"_, the question came less than five seconds later and she was not at all surprised, Scott knew her like the back of his hand.

_ "Darren…" _

_ "I see. Do you want some company?" _

_ "Yours? Always" _

When he replied he was on his way, Hope smiled. It didn't take long for her heart to start beating at a different pace, just with the expectation of being with her friend again.

Scott was light, brought the feeling of peace that her soul cried out for at times. He easily managed to make Hope smile when all she wanted to do was cry, understood her without needing much, and most importantly, supported her in any situation.

The woman remembered perfectly the day she met her best friend. It was the coldest morning in March and she was walking down the halls of NBC with a cup of hot chocolate warming her hands. Scott was standing around the corner after her, wearing square glasses and a yellow sweater that she thought was hideous. They played a random scene to test the chemistry between them and started working together a week later. They easily became friends and continued seeing each other, even after the early cancellation of the show they started filming.

Scott had always been very affectionate and Hope loved that familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach. On the other hand with Darren everything was different. She just didn't understand when she started comparing them or when her fiancé started to be less important than her best friend.

Running her hands nervously through her short hair, Hope crushed the butterflies in her belly and gave up trying to understand her feelings. After all, trying to understand something that she had no idea what it was, made her even more confused. Maybe, deep down, Hope knew. Which scared her more than anything. It was as if her head wanted to protect her, blocking out those thoughts as they arose. Dealing with what she knew was much easier and more comfortable than dealing with something that caused her a tremendous mess, the kind in which she was left with no control, the kind that seemed like everything was upside down. Deep down she knew how she felt.

But, for everyone's sake, she imagined it would be better not to voice her confused feelings. Scott was her best friend and preferred to have him as such. She wouldn’t forgive herself if, for some reason, the friendship they had ended.

Lifting her face a little further, she looked at the bright, haughty stars. Something was comforting about looking at them right now, maybe just Scott's presence was better than that.

As if fate were listening to her, strong - yet soft - hands touched her waist. Being a woman and being alone, her first instinct was fear. A jolt struck her body and a thin cry escaped her throat, but when she turned her face and looked at whoever was behind her, all the fear dissipated and she felt like laughing.

"Son of a bitch!" The woman cursed watching Scott take his hands away and throw his head back in a scandalous laugh. "You almost scared me to death, you bastard!"

The insults stopped as her laughter grew, and soon they were both laughing as if there was nothing else in the world but them. But then, something happened. Hope's eyes started to water and her laughter died down to just a breath of air followed by others.

The torrent of tears that began to fall was almost unstoppable and when she realized, her best friend was already pulling her into a hug. Her heart ached and Hope didn’t know why she was crying for or thought she didn't.

"It's all right. I'm here with you," he whispered, as he stroked her back with both hands. Scott asked nothing and Hope was grateful for that.

He was incredible and she was more confused than she wanted to be.

* * *

"Alexa, play '_I_ _ Only Want to Be with You' _ on Spotify."

"_Playing 'I Only Want to Be with You' by Bay City Rollers on Spotify_."

As soon as the cheerful melody started to play through the virtual assistant, Scott opened the curtains in the living room for the sunlight to come in. The light bothered his eyes and he had to blink twice to get used to it. The party was over later than he expected, but since he was not a person who slept a lot, he was already up.

Now that his movie was officially in the theater, the promotional journey would become more intense. Scott had already confirmed with his agent some interviews and participation in upcoming shows. Checking a mental note, that week they’d shoot a video for BuzzFeed and it got him excited. It was fun to be with his castmates. It was fun to be with Hope.

At the thought of the woman, Scott smiled slightly. Last night had been hectic and full of things he didn't understand. He didn't ask Hope much, just hugged her and respected her space as a good friend he was.

Friend. The word made him laugh without humor. The feeling he had for her went far beyond friendship, but unfortunately, he couldn't do anything about it. He didn't want to risk ruining the connection they had, besides, Hope would be married in a short time, it wasn't fair or correct. His heart should choose someone else to love, even if it was almost impossible at this point.

Scott interrupted his thoughts before things got more complex and crossed the room to the kitchen, turning off the coffee maker he had turned on a few minutes ago. The last drops of coffee fell into the white mug stamped with a discouraging phrase: _ Wake up, failure awaits you. _And he thought that was the best gift a fan has ever given to him.

Before he could bring the hot drink to his lips, the apartment bell rang and it took him a second to think. If the doorman hadn't said anything, the person on the other side was someone with free entrance. Leaving the mug on the counter, the man-made his way to the door, opening it unceremoniously to receive who he imagined could be there at that hour.

"Bro!"

"Luis!"

In a quick gesture, Luis took a step and hugged Scott, entering the apartment a few seconds later.

"How was yesterday?" He asked, just as his friend was closing the door.

Luis was a tall guy from a Mexican family. Wearing a thin beard and the hair with a toupee, he sometimes used to talk too fast, mixing several stories into one. He grew up with Scott in Vermont and when his friend moved to California to try his luck as an actor, Luis went along. They always supported each other and told each other everything.

Luis was the brother Scott didn't have.

"It ended late, but it was amazing," he replied, walking to the kitchen again and being followed by his friend. "Want some coffee?"

"That _ estadounidense _ crap?" Luis mocked and Scott laughed. "You guys don't know how to make coffee like Latinos."

"Our coffee is as good as yours, even better."

"You wish!"

He laughed again and took a sip from his mug. While enjoying the hot drink, he watched his friend pull up a chair and sit on the opposite side of the counter. The song was still playing from somewhere in the living room and Scott hummed a verse softly, finally stopping to pay attention to the lyrics. It seemed deep down his brain wanted to betray him, choosing a song that said everything he felt for Hope and maybe a little more.

_Oh, go to hell with this_. All he wanted to do was stop thinking about her, but it just happened the other way around. His previous relationships did not go as far into his mind and heart as that woman.

It was very difficult to try to overcome a person who was never yours. And never would have been.

When Scott looked at Luis again, the song was over and his friend was looking at him with an expression he knew well.

"What is it?"

"You look weird, what happened?" The Mexican asked, arching an eyebrow. "It's Hope again?"

Snorting, the actor made a face. He knew he couldn't hide anything from his best friend.

"Yes," just said, taking another sip of coffee.

"Oh, man... You know I’d love to see you two together, right? I love Hope and her work, she is amazing!" Scott rolled his eyes. For Luis, it was God in heaven and Hope on earth. Sometimes it seemed that his friend was more a fan of hers than of him. "But you have to forget this woman. My cousin Ignácio had such a passion once, you know, and he…"

"Yes, I know about your cousin," Scott interrupted, putting the mug back on the counter. "And I also know that I need to forget it, but I can't! Not when I get along with her, when we're friends."

"You just answered your problem…" Luis murmured.

Scott stopped for a second, thinking about what he said.

"No, Luis. I will not stay away from her" he replied firmly. "It’s better to have her as a friend than to have nothing."

Shaking his head, Scott lowered his face and took a deep breath. It would be so much easier if he could even fall in love with someone else. Another person was preferably available.

"This is so sad," Luis said and Scott had to agree. Lying his body on the chair, he exclaimed loudly: "Alexa, play _ Despacito_!"

* * *

It was after 4 pm when Hope parked the car in front of the house where she grew up. A long time ago, when she was still a child and enjoyed playing hide and seek, her parents said she could always count on them. That she would always have a hug or advice if she wanted or needed it. In that instant, she hoped they would keep their promise and help her in a time of need.

The Victorian mansion had not changed much since those golden years. It was still stuck in the past and managed to be identified from afar because of the contrast with the other houses on the street, which have evolved. Janet and Hank Pym liked that style and had no intention of changing it, Hope didn't care about it either. The house continuing, in the same way, gave her a sense of familiarity, that at least something in her life was right.

Going up the few steps that separated her from the entrance, Hope rang the bell and waited for someone to open the door. A few seconds later, her father appeared wearing khaki pants, a light-colored blouse with a cyan-blue tie and a moss-green wool vest over it.

"Sweetheart!" the director and retired actor exclaimed, before pulling her close and leaving a kiss on her cheek. "Come on in. How was the party yesterday? Your mom and I saw the pictures, you were stunning."

The interior of the residence looked even older than the outside, decorated with old-fashioned, dark-colored furniture. The corridor where they were in was wide and gave access to several rooms in the house, a wine-red carpet occupied almost the entire floor and went from the entrance door to the stairs. On the left wall, a solid wooden shelf exhibited porcelain objects and some portraits with pictures of the younger Hope and her family, except for a photograph that had been taken at an _ After-Party _of Fenty Beauty last year. In the picture, Hope, Scott, and Ava were hugging each other, the women were laughing out loud as the man grimaced.

"It was cool," she murmured as she followed her father. "But I missed you there."

"I bet your fiancé has filled our absence..." Hank said, in that playful tone he liked to use when it came to Darren.

Hope laughed embarrassed.

"Well, uh ... Darren wasn't there," she replied, watching her father turn his head and look at her with a raised eyebrow. Before the eldest could say anything else, she changed the subject. "And mom? She's at home?"

Father and daughter turned into the first door on the right of the corridor and entered the living room. Being smaller than the other rooms in the mansion, the white grand piano was usually the first thing people noticed in the room. However, it was not the musical instrument and not even Hank's bar that caught Hope's eye, but the woman sitting on the couch, wearing glasses and with the blond hair in a ponytail.

Janet smiled at her daughter as she ran towards her. When her mother's arms passed behind her back, the actress let out a happy sigh. She was away from the woman for only a few days, which seemed like a lifetime. Hope had a good relationship with her father, she loved him so much, but with her mother, the bond was stronger a truly enviable connection.

The lady made room for her daughter to sit beside her, putting her feet under the sofa and collecting all the drawings, clipboards and sketches scattered around.

"Wait, is this from the new collection?" the youngest said, lifting one of the paper sheets with a red dress drawn. "It's beautiful, mom!"

"I knew you'd like it," Janet replied smiling.

Hope shook her head and sighed again, as she handed the sketch over to her mother to keep with the others. Across the room, Hank filled a glass with whiskey and offered to his daughter, who denied it while making a face.

Soon they engaged in a conversation about the party the night before and everything that involved it. Her father praised the choice of direction for the movie, stating that it would be a box office success. Hope told them about the interviews she would do throughout the month and heard her mother say excitedly that she would be more than happy to dress her for such occasion.

Between a comment and an opinion, the actress was gathering the courage to start the subject reason for her to be there that afternoon. Not that she was afraid of a trial or anything, but that conversation would expose her to her parents in a way she never was, and so she felt nervous. Perhaps noticing her daughter's restlessness, Janet took her hand.

"It wasn't just to make small talk that you came here, was it?" The woman asked, looking right through Hope's eyes. "Did something happen, jellybean?"

Hope smiled at the childhood nickname her mother never stopped using. It was a way of showing affection and saying everything was fine, that it was a safe area and that there was no reason for fear or nervousness.

"Yes. I mean, sort of," she confessed, after thinking for a few seconds. "I wanted some advice. Some advice from both of you."

Henry and Janet exchanged a knowing look then the man said, "We're listening, dear."

"It's about Darren. I think I'm doing everything wrong..." she faced up to nothing for a short period, trying to find the right words to describe what her confused heart was feeling. "Things are different. He's different. Our relationship is no longer the same, it’s like... All the passion that we felt has gone to waste. It got cold, you know?" she asked, looking at her parents for the first time since she started speaking. Janet shook her hand. "And there are the media, everyone wants me to get married, to have children. But with Darren? I don't know if I want to or if I can do it anymore… But if I don't, it'll be hell and I'm not prepared for all that pressure on me again."

When she said all that, her eyes watered and she had to blink so the tears wouldn't run down her face. The only thing Hope wanted was a little calm, for her chest to be filled with peace again, and love, that beautiful and overwhelming feeling, wasn’t something so difficult.

Janet lifted her free arm and put her daughter's hair behind her ear in a way that made her face more visible.

"Jellybean, look at me, " her mother asked with a voice so delicate it was impossible to refuse. "First of all, you have to think about yourself! Consider if you are happy. Don't think about others and the world outside and forgetting about yourself. I can't decide for you if you should or shouldn't stay with Darren, but I will support you no matter what!"

Hope smiled, feeling she would lose the battle against crying at that moment. Watching her daughter get emotional, Janet called her in for a hug and kissed her hair.

"I think this relationship is a waste of time," Hank said simply.

"Henry!" The older woman exclaimed, letting Hope out of her arms and staring at her husband with a frown.

"No, Jan! Even you know he's a douchebag,” the man placed the glass of whiskey on the table next to his favorite armchair and sat there, looking at his daughter. "I am your father, Hope. I am here for you, but you know what I think about Darren…"

"You never liked him," the youngest sighed, thinking that including her father in that conversation was a bad idea.

"No. Since the first time I laid eyes on that man," he told, taking the glass in his hands again. "I never said anything because I don't have to meddle in your life or your relationships. You're an adult, can take care of yourself and know what you're doing…" Hank paused to take a sip of his drink and only then spoke again, "Darren would trade his soul for caviar if he could, I don't trust him."

The actress bit her lower lip, pondering what her father said. They never got along, that was a fact. Darren often complained about her parents and made no effort to try to have a good relationship with them. Hank had given up trying to be polite and remained silent when Hope brought Darren to dinner. Janet was the bridge of the family, treating her daughter's fiancé in the best way possible, always controlling situations that could turn into a snowball.

For an instant, she found herself reflecting on how the treatment was different when she brought Scott to her home. _ And there she was comparing them again_, but not doing it was too unreal. Her mother and her best friend always had something new to talk about because of the common tastes and the same sense of humor. Of all her friends, Ava was her father's favorite, but he also treated the man with respect and always greeted him with a pat on the back. Hope even saw him _smile _at Scott once, which was very good, due to Mr. Hank Pym's history with the men around his daughter.

And because of her father's jealousy, she often ignored the Hank-Darren situation, thinking it could be just that: jealousy. However, at that moment, it was more than clear that things were never right.

"Don't listen to your dad, he's a jealous idiot," Janet voiced her daydreams as she cast an angry glance at the only man in the room and gathered her eyebrows. As she looked at her daughter again her expression softened in seconds. "Look, I know you're confused and scared, but think before making any decision, okay? Talk to Darren about all of this, sometimes a frank conversation is all it takes to solve a problem."

"Thank you," Hope smiled truly, feeling her mother caress her face. "Thank you both."

"You're welcome," Hank said, with a wink and a smile. "We love you and we only want your good. You know that, don't you?"

The woman shook her head. After all, her father's opinion had made her contest some things and she was grateful for that.

"Is there anything else you want to tell us?" Janet asked.

Hope opened her mouth, almost about to say about her confused feelings for Scott, but closed her lips a few seconds before that. She didn't know how to start this dialogue or what to say. The only thing she was sure of was that her best friend did her good and she loved him. Perhaps that was enough for that day.

"No," she replied, smiling weakly. "Everything's alright."

Hank looked pleased when he got up from the chair to pour himself another shot of whiskey. Janet tilted her head and frowned, looking at her daughter. Just for the expression, Hope knew her mother didn’t believe those words at all, but she also knew that she wouldn't question it.

* * *

Hope had just gotten out of the shower and still in her robe she spread her moisturizing lotion on one leg, followed by the other. She felt relaxed and refreshed. The day had been somewhat emotionally exhausting and stressful. Settling into her comfortable bed was all she wanted and needed.

She was so involved in her ritual that she got a fright when her bedroom door was opened abruptly since she was not waiting for anyone and she was alone. With a frightened expression, the woman looked toward the entrance, sighing in relief when she saw the figure of her fiancé standing there.

"Damn it, Darren! You scared me!" She exclaimed, impetuous, feeling her heartbeat calm down again. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

The man walked to the middle of the room and placed the black work bag on top of the bedpan.

"It was last minute," he replied, untying his navy blue tie. "I haven't seen you in three days."

Hope sighed, before closing the jar of moisturizer and putting it on the nightstand. Running her hands over her dark hair, she looked at him standing there, with that look that didn't give her much certainty about them, not as much as she would like. Her father's words invaded her mind without her giving any permission and she wondered if he wasn’t right about everything he had said earlier if her relationship with Darren wasn’t everything she had been thinking it was. They had not seen each other for three days, however, the businessman had done nothing to change that. On the contrary, he just made excuses for not being with her.

Because she was thinking too much, the woman didn't realize that her fiancé had approached and that he was sitting beside her, on the edge of the mattress. He held her chin with one hand and leaned down a little to kiss her lips, without giving Hope time to breathe or protest, but when she felt Darren's tongue touch her bottom lip, she just closed her eyes. In that instant, she forgot all the problems, allowing herself to enjoy the moment while his body leaned over hers until her head was resting against the pillow.

The woman parted her lips letting Darren's tongue explore her mouth freely, while his hands moved from her chin to her waist. Hope raised a hand to her fiancé's shoulder and pressed the place until her knuckles turned white, while her legs parted slightly for him to settle between them. Seeing it as permission to go deeper, Darren squeezed her waist, pulling her toward his hip.

"Darren…" the actress let his name escape through her throat before her fiancé moved his face to her neck and let a kiss right over her weak point.

It was good to be with him again, she smiled at the thought. It was nice to think that Darren still loved her and that it wasn't anyone's fault, that things would work out after a while. But then something happened, something that made her lose the grip of her fiancé's shoulders and open her green eyes to the white ceiling of the room.

The man was still wearing a suit and the fabric at that moment was under her nose, which allowed her to smell the smell impregnated there.

"Darren, wait. That's…" Hope used both hands to push his torso up and sniffed the clothes again, smelling that pungent and unmistakable odor. "Why do you smell like weed?"

She stared at him, half numb for the moment. The man looked back at her, his expression confused as he tried to normalize his breathing. In a burst, he pulled away from her and got up from the bed, starting to take off his jacket.

"I smoked to relax. I didn't know the smell was still on me."

The woman raised her body, leaning on the mattress with her elbows. Her hair was disheveled and her bangs were crooked to the right.

"Why didn't you tell me you were smoking weed?" she asked. Darren had sometimes come home smelling wine and even cigarettes but never weed. They were engaged, he should share things with her.

"Because it's none of your business, Hope!" he shouted and she opened her eyes wide, a little scared by the tone of his voice. _ What was happening? _

"I'm sorry, Darren," she murmured, as she straightened her spine. She didn’t even know why she was apologizing.

Her fiancé put his hands on his hips and lowered his head before letting a sigh come out between his lips. When he looked at her again, his face was less twisted with anger, more like the expression he had entered the room a few minutes earlier.

"I didn't like your dress."

"What?" The change in the subject was so sudden that Hope needed a few seconds to understand what he was talking about.

"Your dress from yesterday," Darren shrugged, "I didn't like it. Your legs were bare. My wife shouldn't dress like that."

The actress looked at him, her lips parted in shock. The words were gone and she wondered why he was acting that way. It wasn't the Darren she knew, who had put an engagement ring on her finger. _ How long had his behavior changed? _Hope could barely answer her brain.

"It's time to cut your hair, too," he pointed with his thin finger at her face, who shrugged a little with the gesture.

"My hair?" Hope took her hands to the dark threads and ran her fingers over the tips that barely passed the height of her jaw. "But I cut it last month…"

Darren smirked and then walked over to her side of the bed again as if he had never left. Again he took his fiancée's chin in his hands so that he could confront her eyes. His blue irises glowed and Hope couldn't describe what she saw there.

"You know I like it short," he winked at her and the expression on his face made the woman's heart race. "I like to see your neck exposed."

Letting out another short laugh, the man left a simple kiss on her lips and walked away again, before saying that he needed to take a shower and leave the room.

Hope needed a minute to breathe properly again, her head was throbbing and her eyes started to burn. Her chest hurt in a way she couldn't describe, and when a hiccup threatened to come out of her lips, she raised her hand to cover her mouth.

Turning her face to the left, where her dressing table was, she faced the big mirror. After a few seconds, the tears gave her a break and her reflection was no longer a blurred and distorted thing.

For the first time since she started her relationship with Darren, Hope didn't recognize herself.


	3. Heartbeat a little bit louder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava let Hope thinking. Scott has a decision to make

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Anxiety

Darren Cross's name flashed on Hope's phone screen every few minutes. She was already getting pissed off by the man's insistence. She wanted to concentrate on her work, but she couldn't if her phone kept bothering her from time to time.

She took a deep breath when the screen lit up again and the phone vibrated in her hand, giving a fake smile to her friends next to her. The woman would very much like to ignore any calls from her fiancé that day, but unfortunately, she wasn’t the type of person who rejects phone calls. Apologizing to everyone present, she moved a few feet away so she could take the call while hoping Darren would end the call again, which didn't happen. Before sliding the green button, Hope took a deep breath.

“What do you want, Darren?”, the woman's voice sounded a little harsh, but she knew he wouldn't care about that, or anything else that had to do with her, she thought.

_ “I've been calling you for a while, Hope! Why didn't you answer it before?” _, Darren asked, completely ignoring his fiancée's tone of voice.

“I'm working. I have an interview in a few minutes”, she replied, turning her body to where she was previously and being able to watch Ava and Scott looking at her with curious eyes. “I told you that…”

Showing zero interest in what his fiancée had to say, he interrupted her.

_ “Look, it wasn't right to hide from you what I was doing”_, Hope raised her eyebrows the moment she heard him say that. He wasn't exactly apologizing. _ “I want to reward you. How about we go out to dinner on Friday? At your favorite downtown restaurant?” _

A sigh came between her lips at the invitation.

“It's not a reward, Darren, we really need to talk”, she bit her lower lip, while thinking about the tempting proposal. It was the perfect opportunity to cross the Ts and put the drops in the Is, and perhaps make up for what was lost from their relationship. So because of that unmeasured desire to get things back to normal, Hope accepted the date. “I’ll be there.”

_ "Good"_, the voice sounded steady, in the same tone he used when he was closing deals. In the background, she could hear the noise of the flipped paper. Darren was already at the company and Hope rolled her eyes at the realization. _ “I'll make a reservation for half-past eight.” _

“Okay”, the woman replied with a shoulder sway, even though her fiancé couldn’t see. As she turned her face again, Virginia, her manager, was in her field of view, tapping her index finger on the wrist of her left hand as if there were a clock. “I have to go now. I love you, Darren.”

_ “Me too.” _

The call ended before she could take the phone out of her ear. Rushing to where her friends and the whole team were waiting for her, Hope couldn't help but think about the future dinner. Would that be the salvation of their engagement or just the confirmation that everything was lost?

* * *

  
  


“Okay, can you describe your characters in three words?”

The interviewer asked and they raised their eyebrows in an almost synchronized manner. Scott, being the only man there, was sitting in the middle chair, with Hope on his right and Ava on his left. The interview was peaceful and very fun until then, with all of them getting lost amid stories and laughter.

“She is audacious, strong and intelligent”, Hope was the first one to say after the seconds in which her friends spent thinking about their answers.

“And you, Scott?”

“Uh…”, he bit his tongue, still thinking. “I would say he's brave, but a little impulsive. And sweet too.”

“Aw!” the woman on his right exclaimed, taking Scott's hand and intertwining their fingers, before laying her head on his shoulder. Those actions left the actor's heart beating faster and he couldn't help but smile.

It was comforting to still be able to feel her hand touch his and the weight of her head against his shoulder, little things he thought he had lost, but were still there, making him happy, even if only for a few minutes.

“Mocking, ambitious and badass, of course!” Ava was the last one to answer, with her sharp English accent, blinking an eye as she said the last feature.

The interviewer continued to ask questions and Hope had to raise her head to answer the ones directed at her, but her hand never left Scott's. He occasionally moved his thumb to caress the woman's hand, feeling lighter and more excited by the contact. Being close to her brought him a colossal sense of well-being, it was as if he could float and reach for the stars in the sky just by stretching his arms.

“Last question: what do you have in common with your character?” The woman in the front chair asked in an amused tone of voice. It was some time before Hope took the initiative to speak first.

“I think we both sometimes think more about others than ourselves.” She tilted her head while tightening her lips. “That could be a problem.”

Scott frowned, not knowing exactly what to think about that answer. He wondered if there was anything wrong, or if something was going on that she hadn't told him. Concern took over the man's senses right away, but he couldn't do much at the time, they were in the middle of an interview. And with a snap in his mind that he should focus on that, he started working on the answer to the question just asked, but the only thing that came into his head was a feeling that couldn’t be declared out loud: the love that he and his character shared for Hope and the person she played.

Before he could open his mouth to try to formulate an acceptable answer, Ava was quicker, saving him from the four walls where he was cornered.

“We've both been arrested.”

Hope tilted her body so she could face her friend, while an expression of astonishment washed over her face.

“You were in jail?!” She asked, her voice a few tones louder than usual.

“Wait, you didn't know that?!” Scott asked, and now he and Ava were looking at her with raised eyebrows.

“God, no!”

Hope was shocked, her mouth a few inches open and her gaze alternating between her friends. While everything was going on, the interviewer couldn't help but laugh. After a few seconds, everyone was laughing.

“Yes, I’ve been in jail”, Ava explained after things calmed down. “And I used my only call to order Japanese food.” Scott burst out laughing, knocking his body back. Hope was laughing herself to tears. “That day was wild.”

* * *

  
  


Hope smiled as she felt Ava's arms pass around her body in a clumsy embrace, and bent down to return the gesture in the best way she could since the two were both walking. She had never been a hugging person - unlike her friend, who was too hearty. - Because of the coexistence, the short-haired woman was beginning to like that demonstration of affection, hugs for no reason didn’t bother her anymore.

“That was fun”, the light-skinned black woman said, as she continued walking. Hope agreed with a happy murmur.

Being with those two people she loved so much was always invigorating, the laughter and the funny stories they shared made her forget about her problems for at least a few hours. And by remembering it, while grimacing, Hope took her free hand into her jumpsuit pocket and pulled out her cell phone, only to not find Darren's name in the middle of the notifications. She sighed in relief. She didn't need her fiancé to throw everything on her shoulders again, not that day.

Willing to continue ignoring all that, the actress put the phone away again and walked away from her friend when they arrived at the place where Virginia Potts, Bill Foster, and Thor Odinson were waiting for them. Scott was there, too, with his right hand in the front pocket of his pants and distracted by his cell phone. The moment Hope got close to her best friend, she poked him in the arm.

"Hey", she whispered cheerfully.

“Hey”, he replied, in the same tone and smiling too.

Both stared at each other without saying anything, with their lips curled up and their eyes shining. It didn't matter if they had seen each other five minutes ago, the reaction was always the same: enormous happiness followed by the rhythmic pounding of her heart against her chest. Even without realizing it, she let herself hanging in there.

Suddenly a noise caught everyone's attention. The three managers present checked their cell phones when they recognized the sound of an incoming email, Hope wanted to laugh at the simultaneous reaction.

“Mr. Lang, can we talk in private?” Thor said, after realizing that the notification came from his phone. He was smiling.

Scott frowned, but nodded, before accompanying the man so they could have privacy. From where she was, Hope could see them, but she couldn't hear what they were saying.

“Okay”, Ava said, clapping her hands together. “Bill, Virginia, clear anything off our schedule today. Hope and I are going to lunch together.”

Upon hearing her name, the woman turned to face her friend with a confused expression beginning to form.

“Are we?” She asked, in an amused tone.

"Yes", the other said, lifting her chin. “It's not a question”

The short-haired woman laughed as she raised her hands in surrender. There was no way out of the situation, even if she wanted to.

“Okay, we’re going to lunch together!”

Bill and Virginia also laughed, knowing they’d have a few hours off that day while the two were together. Ava started to name some restaurants that would be good choices, choosing the one that was less crowded and had wonderful desserts.

For the second time in less than five minutes, a noise caught Hope's attention, but now it was something she knew well: Scott's laugh. Looking at the side he was on, she found him laughing at Thor and they looked very excited as they talked. She smiled too, giving herself over again to those feelings that made her lose her balance.

A quote from Osho popped into her head as her chest burned: _ Forget this story of wanting to understand everything. Instead, live_. If it was a message from her subconscious, she couldn't say.

* * *

  
  


After recording the interview, they walked to the outside space of the studio, where they were still, just waiting for the cars to arrive so they could leave. After hearing Thor's request to talk in private, Scott followed him for a few feet until they were far enough away from the others. He had no idea what the matter was, but from the smile on his agent's face, he could deduce that it was a good thing.

“I got an email from the BBC”, Thor said, shaking his cell phone. “An email from Pete Wisdom, actually.”

“Are you joking?” Scott opened his mouth, shocked. “And what did he say?”

“That they want you on the next season.”

As if it were possible, the actor's jaw dropped even more. Pete Wisdom was Cast Director on _ Snake Eyes_, a show written by the Braddock Siblings, very famous in England, and which was starting to get famous in the United States. He remembered sending a self-tape a few months ago, but he didn't think he would be chosen.

Having your name attached to something like Snake Eyes was quite advantageous, especially if you wanted to show your skills in drama. In addition to NBC's early ending series, Scott had done little more than romantic comedies and clichés. It was the perfect time to show his potential and be taken seriously as an actor, to leverage his career the way he has always wanted and to be known worldwide.

Part of him kept saying that he had become an actor just because of his passion for acting. But the other part - that nineteen-year-old boy who moved from Burlington to Los Angeles - no matter how small, always dreamed of fame, money, and comfort. He wasn’t made of iron, nor was as modest as many thought.

“Your initial contract would be for this season only, but we are thinking of you staying for two more if all goes well”, Thor continued to say, capturing Scott's attention, who gave a genuine laugh.

“This is…” he couldn't even say what he felt, just waved his hands in wonder. “And what do I have to do now?”

“The show takes place in England, London, and to make your life easier and also the adaptation with the shooting, you will need to travel there for a while. Maybe even move, who knows?” When his manager said those words, the smile on his face fell a little. Noticing that, the other man spoke again.

“It’s a great opportunity. I say this not only as your manager but also as your friend. I know you have a lot to think about. Leaving your country, your family, your friends isn’t easy, really…” Thor used his free hand to squeeze Scott's shoulder in support. “The shots start in October, but by the end of September at least I need an answer, okay? Think about it, I believe you will love this new experience.”

Thor was still with his hand on Scott’s shoulder, giving light slaps. And all Scott could do was lose himself in thought for a few moments. If he accepted the proposal, everything would be turned upside down. His life wouldn’t have the same stability and he didn’t know if the hours on a plane, traveling between countries, would be worth it, but he couldn’t deny that the pros of the situation were stronger than the cons. The fear of uncertainty brought a familiar sensation to his stomach, made his heart beat a little faster and made his hands sweat.

“It is a unique experience, you are right, but I need to think…” He murmured, after forcing his throat so that his voice came out understandable. “I promise to answer you as soon as possible.”

Thor smiled, walking away to answer a call that came up suddenly. Scott opened and closed his fingers against his palms, feeling like there's no floor beneath him. Blood flowed in the veins, the throat dried up and the eyes were filled with tears, while his brain tried to remember what it was like to breathe.

He needed to go home and talk to the only person who knew how to calm his heart and clear his mind for what was right.

* * *

  
  


“I’ll have a grilled salmon with creamed spinach, please.”

“And I’ll have this ginger-pumpkin soup. Thanks.”

When the waiter disappeared, Hope moved her eyes to Ava and furrowed the space between her well-drawn eyebrows, her friend staring at her with the same expression.

“Since when do you eat pumpkin?” The actress asked, bringing her right hand to her wine glass.

Around them, people had a peaceful lunch, talking quietly and laughing at things Hope had no idea. The choice of the restaurant had been perfect, they went unnoticed and could eat unconcerned, without a fan suddenly appearing.

"Since I became vegan," Ava replied, with a proud smile.

Hope looked at her with a surprised expression on her face. The thought of not knowing anything more about her friend's life hammered in her head, which was soon put into words:

“You became vegan and I didn't know?” She asked, a little resentful of the lack of information, even if it was such a banal one. “Why didn't you tell me? I don't know anything else that happens in your life anymore” she said, remembering the episode from earlier. The fact that her best friend had already been arrested still surprised her.

Ava smirked.

“It was you who left me for Scott, dear”, the actress and singer replied calmly, shaking her shoulders. “You only go out with him now.”

“That's not true!” Hope exclaimed, her mouth open. Ava couldn't take it anymore and started laughing. “Let's do it like this, this week I want a list of your favorite foods in this new phase and I'm ready to cook one for you.”

“This is exactly the type of date I miss!” The light-skinned black woman held out her hand, shaking her best friend's hand as if finishing a deal, and they both smiled widely.

They continued talking trivialities until the waiter returned with the food and they started to eat. The meal was pleasant, filled with random comments and laughter until Ava seemed to remember something and alerted Hope.

"I almost forgot," she said, tapping her left hand on the forehead. Curious green eyes awaited an explanation, which came quickly. “Erin’s birthday is in a few weeks and it would be lovely if you help me choose a gift.”

“Well, what do you have in mind?” Dropping the cutlery, and after using the napkin on her lap, Hope monopolized her attention to her friend.

“I don’t know. I was thinking about a trip... Greece, maybe?”

Hope tilted her head, thinking of how to organize the words in her mind.

“Are you sure? Not trying to be a bitch or meddle in your relationship, but taking a trip like this costs a lot and you've been together for a couple of months, it's still so recent…” watching her friend consider her words in silence, she continued. “How about leaving the trip for the one year of relationship? Wouldn't it be more prudent and also meaningful?”

“Perhaps. But it's her birthday and... She really deserves something special.” Ava said, then ducked her head, losing some of the exciting sparkles in her eyes when she started the subject. Hope, trying to alleviate the situation, said again:

“I know. Erin is amazing. And even more amazing is the fact that you are so happy and concerned for each other, but…”, the short-haired woman paused, gesturing randomly with her hands. “Write a song for her, Taylor Swift does that all the time.”

“I already wrote one... Two, actually”, the singer said, embarrassed. And when her eyes met her friend's, she found her astonished, with her fork stopped inches from her mouth.

“Oh God, you’re so moved!” Hope exclaimed, between a laugh and another, leaning back in her chair.

“Of course I am! I would like to take her to Greece!” Ava defended herself and laughed together, stirring the soup with her spoon, intending to have something to do with her hands.

“Listen, I just took a trip with Darren, with the proportions you want, after two years of relationship, when I was sure I wanted to create memories with this emotional value for us... And look where we are?” proving her point, a restrained and polite smile escaped her lips, while Hope showed, for the thousandth time, her engagement ring.

“Not trying to be a bitch or meddle on your relationship”, the other started, imitating her friend's speech, “but why don't I see an endless smile when you show me this rock on your finger?” with the silence received, Ava tried again: “You have been engaged for one year and didn’t even set a date, dear. You can fool others, but you can't do the same for me, Hope! You are putting it off as long as you can. And the question I ask you is: why?”

For a few seconds, Hope's face lost its peace and lightness. The expression being replaced by something she didn't know how to name, as her mind took her to that fateful night when tears ran down her cheeks, caused by the way Darren treated her. So, still with the memory of her reflection in the mirror alive in her mind, without policing herself, she blurted out:

“It's just that, even with all this waiting for our first trip, I don't know if we will or how long we will last”, without staring at Ava's eyes, Hope composed herself and signaled to the waiter. “But what I'm thinking about is the dessert, do you want to share a blueberry pie?”

* * *

  
  


Scott entered the apartment slamming the door and kicking his shoes down the corridor. He could feel his lungs expelling oxygen aggressively, it was as if his brain was spinning and he was out of orbit. His mind was racing, with all his thoughts and fears mixed up and crashing into each other, in a battle that never seemed to end. To control himself, he closed his eyes and regulated his breathing, inhaling and exhaling as he counted from one to ten.

A few minutes later, when he opened his eyes again, the room in his apartment had stopped spinning and he took it as a cue to ask for help. As fast as he could, he took his cell phone out of his pocket and, with shaking hands, sought the contact of the one who always managed to calm him down and pressed the video call button.

Drops of sweat ran down his forehead when the word _ "FaceTime ..." _ appeared under his sister's name and his camera showed his nervous face. _ "Please pick up! Please pick up!" _ it was the mantra that came out as a whisper between his lips. After what seemed like decades, the image on the cell phone changed, giving way to a woman with brown hair.

“You know, Scottie, when you left I really believed there would be peace... But contrary to myself, I was wrong”, amid those words, an open smile danced on her lips until she noticed her brother's frightened look and the smile disappeared, her expression taking on a worried look. “You okay?”

Without even thinking, Scott nodded to his sister before lowering his head, feeling his eyes sting with the tears that came. Ruth's voice came back, louder.

“Scott, listen to me! Take a deep breath, can you do this? I'll count to three... One, two, three.” Focusing on his sister's words, Scott took a deep breath. “Great! Let's do it one more time! One, two, three.”

A few more successful attempts, the color had returned to the lips and there was no sign of tears. Even when his face looked a little better, the woman waited a few more minutes, watching him fill a glass of water in the kitchen and drink it in long sips.

“Better?” She asked after her brother returned to the living room and settled on the sofa.

"Yes, Ruthie, thank you so much," he confessed, using her childhood nickname, and received a smile in response.

The woman continued to look at him as if to make sure that what he said was true. It had always been like that, Scott remembered it well. Even though they fought too much as children, Ruth protected him like a lion, watching over him and never letting anything bad happen to him. She said that no one but her could make her brother suffer - which always made Scott lose his temper, and as she liked to disturb him, she never stopped.

“What happened?” Asked Ruth. “If you're comfortable talking about it…”

The man shook his head and took a deep breath. He was in a safe place, talking to someone who loved him and wanted him well, he didn't need to be afraid. With that thought in mind, he started to speak.

“I have a dilemma. A big one”, Scott said and she murmured something for him to continue. “As you have always been the most reasonable of the two of us, I would like your opinion.”

Ruth chuckled.

“I'm the oldest, I need to be reasonable!” She exclaimed, looking at the screen for a moment. He could watch her move around until she was sitting on the sofa in the living room, copying her brother.

“You say as if our difference was significant. It's only three minutes, Ruthie! You are the oldest for three silly minutes!” Scott's voice, once thick and frightened, now sounded calm and good-humored as he smiled at the phone.

“Exactly! Three incalculable minutes!” She joked, her dark eyebrows perfectly arched.

“All right then. Act like the great and archaic wise woman you are and help me.” the woman's smile faded quickly, giving way to an expression of disgust that he ignored with visible pleasure. “I have this offer that can change my life and I'm freaking out because of that…”

His twin sister nodded in agreement.

“Do you want to tell me what offer is it?

“You know the Snake Eyes show, right?”

“Yes.”

“I was called for next season.”

Ruth's smile gradually grew, which caused Scott to smile too.

“That's good news!” The woman said and he nodded, but his expression said something was wrong, which she easily noticed. “Why aren't you happy?”

“That's not that, Ruth. It's just…”, he paused, “I don't know what to do.”

Throwing his head back on the couch, Scott took a deep breath for the thousandth time that day. He conflicted and couldn't even explain why. He just knew that it was difficult to think about the situation without having an anxiety attack right away. It was a mix of everything and nothing to feel the thoughts spinning more than the gears of a clock and yet realize that nothing connected in his mind. Deep down, he didn't want to think, he wanted some kind of formula to give him all the answers.

“The show takes place in England and Thor, my manager, said he will try to get a contract for two more seasons. If that happens, maybe I will live there to make it easier, you know, instead of spending hours and hours on a plane, flying from one country to another…” Scott gestured randomly with the hand that did not hold the cell phone. “But I have a life here, Ruthie, the problem would be dropping it all.”

His sister was staring at him, her face pointing to something he didn't recognize. Ruth had always been like an open book, but at that moment, the lines on her delicate face said nothing to him. After a second of silence, the woman opened her mouth, intending to say something, however, she was interrupted by a thin, ordinary cry.

“Mommy!” at the same time, a blonde head entered in front of Ruth, blocking Scott's view. “Mommy, take me to meet Grandpa Bob?”

“Lauren, honey”, the woman moved a little so that her brother could see them again, “Mommy is talking to Uncle Scott!”

Scott smiled at the child as soon as she turned her face to the cell phone. His almost-three-year-old niece hadn’t changed that much since the last time he saw her. She still looked a lot like her mother, she had the same brown eyes and a button nose, but the blond hair she had gotten from her father.

“Uncle Scott!” Lauren shouted, smiling. And there was something else he recognized in the girl: the Langs' smile. “Grandpa gave me a baby horse!”

“Oh, really?” Scott exaggerated a surprised expression, opening his mouth in a perfect "O" that made his niece laugh. “How cool, baby!”

They talked for a few more minutes until Ruth, predicting that her daughter wouldn’t stop talking, told the girl to ask her father to take her to see her grandfather. After several protests, Lauren did as her mother asked.

When the child was out of sight, Scott started to laugh.

“Dad gave her _what_?”

The woman winced and groaned.

“I will forbid Robert Lang to bring more animals to that farm!” She exclaimed. “Any baby animal that is born, our father wants to give as a gift to Lauren. Last time it was an ostrich. An ostrich!”

The man threw his head back and laughed, his sister couldn't help it and laughed along.

“He'll spoil her completely.”

Ruth agreed, and then the twins were silent again. Despite the moments when he had fun and laughed, Scott still struggled with his inner demons and empty thoughts. He needed to continue the conversation with his sister. And as if she had read his thoughts, she went back to the previous topic with a question that made his eyes widen:

“You're like that because you're afraid of losing Hope, aren't you?”

His throat went dry with the sudden question and his heart skipped a beat. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to hide his feelings by looking into his sister's eyes - even if virtually - but he would like them to have more surfaces than the obvious so that he could guard himself a little more before facing reality. 

_ When in trouble, just let go. Go back to idle_. Scott swallowed hard as he remembered the phrase he had read in a book recently. The scene in question was about a girl who had difficulty flying a boat in a turbulent sea, and at that moment, that combination of words had no other meaning than the categorical and literal. However, caught between a rock and a hard place of that inhospitable game, Scott gradually began to understand the need for a boat to standing in the middle of the storm. He felt like a vessel in the middle of a gale: with the urgency of stopping despite the difficulties.

"You don't have to answer, your silence has already told me a lot," Ruth murmured and then took a deep breath. “Scott, accept that offer. If you’re only going to stay for a few months, great. If it’s to move there, that’s great too... You don't know when you’ll have another opportunity like this.”

His sister had a point. If he left Los Angeles, he was sure that part of his heart would stay there indefinitely. But if he remained hostage to that incongruous feeling, the consequences would be huge. The result would be the same, anyway. The feeling of regret would take over his body like a cold, dark shadow.

“She's about to marry…” the woman spoke again, her voice a little lower and uncertain. “You can't let those feelings stop you from living your life.”

When Scott looked at his phone again, his eyes were red and watery. Her words had hit his heart like a straight arrow, everything hurt and he had to open his mouth to get a breath.

“Thank you, Ruthie. I love you”, he said. His voice breaking.

Without letting the woman speak, he pressed the button to hang up and threw his cell phone on the couch. On the one hand, the rational one, he knew she was right, but the emotional part of him said it was easier said than done, since it wasn't Ruth's feelings that were being crushed like ants on the road.

With the thought that no one would say what he wanted to hear, Scott walked into the kitchen again, in need of a beer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (the phrase quoted is from the book "Where the Crawdads Sing" by Delia Owens)
> 
> wash your hands, stay home if you can, stay safe! ♥  
i see you soon.


	4. This mess we're in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things start to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!
> 
> first things first: in the previous chapter i said that Hope and Darren have been engaged for 5 years. i'm stupid. they're in a *relationship* for 5 years.  
i already fixed it there and here, please forgive my mistake
> 
> enjoy ♥

“Hey, where should I put these groceries?”

Scott was standing in the corridor of Hope's apartment holding an eco-friendly bag in each arm while waiting for an answer that came in the form of a shout echoed through the rooms:

“On the kitchen island, please!”

Turning his heels, the man walked to the kitchen and did as he was asked, his arms thanking him as the weight of the bags was removed. Feeling something soft touch his feet, he looked down. A smile appeared on his lips when he noticed that it was Hope's cat, who was now looking at him with bright yellow eyes. Caressing the animal's soft black fur was his second favorite thing to do in that apartment since the first was to be able to watch his best friend's smile up close.

“Hello, Serafina,” Scott started a monologue with the cat. “What do you want from me today?” She meowed loudly and the man chuckled, before bending down to pick her up. “Oh, sure. You want me to pet you!”

As Scott ran his fingers gently over Serafina's neck and ears, Scott saw her close her eyes and purr happily. He had never been a cat person - since every cat seemed to dislike him - but that particular cat was the only one who treated him well, always asking to be petted instead of trying to scratch the back of his hands.

“I can’t believe this!”

Scott stopped what he was doing in fright and raised his head, finding Hope in his field of vision. The woman was wearing no makeup, with the front of her hair pinned back in a jaw clip, barefoot, and in casual clothes. She was so beautiful and that image almost made him choke on nothing but air.

The actress approached them, focusing her eyes on the cat, and gathering her eyebrows under her bangs.

“I feed you, give you a roof over your head and is that how you thank me? Liking Scott more than me?” Serafina looked at her owner and blinked as if she was mocking her. “You traitor!”

Scott couldn't take it anymore and started laughing.

“Not that I want to make you jealous, but…” He started, placing the cat on the floor, which meowed in protest. “She _ asked me _to pet her.”

Hope opened her mouth in total disbelief and crossed her arms against her chest, which only made her friend laugh even more.

“I almost need to beg on my knees to pet her!” The actress exclaimed, and then looked at Serafina again. “Why do you hate me?”

While laughing, Scott walked around the kitchen and over to the sink to wash his hands. Hope walked to the island and started to take the groceries out of the bags.

“Did you manage to find everything?” She asked.

"Yes," he replied, raising his eyebrows. “What’s the dessert?”

When it came to sugar, Scott had a sweet tooth. The moment Hope asked him to have lunch with her that day, he said yes without having a second thought. That woman had a magic touch and she cooked very well. He wouldn’t miss the opportunity to enjoy a good meal and still be close to the person he loved.

It was good to be with his best friend, she made him laugh until his belly hurt, and she was always looking at him with that fiery and abstruse look that only Hope Van Dyne had. A look that disrupted the rhythm of his heartbeat, and dropped the brain filter attached to his mouth, making him talk and act like an idiot around her at times.

He was fine. Everything was fine. He could handle it, with all the unrequited desire and love. _ It was better to have her as a friend than to have nothing_, right?

Scott thought so, at least.

However, eventually, he found himself tired of that situation. And wishing more and better for himself.

“Guess what?” Hope asked rhetorically, waking him from his thoughts. “Chocolate mousse. Your favorite!”

She walked over to the cupboards and opened one of the doors, taking out a chocolate bar they’d use to make the dessert.

“You remember my favorite dessert?” He said, with a stupid smile on his face.

The woman stared at him, her eyebrows together forming a confused and at the same time funny expression.

“Of course I do…”

Scott's gaze was still locked on hers, and when she smiled at him, his heart stopped. Hope was like that, she drained him in with a simple look or smile, without even realizing it. It was beyond logic. He just lost control of all that raw magnetism.

For a measly second, Scott hated her for making him feel that way, and the next second, he hated himself for hating her. His throat closed and brought a bitter taste to his mouth. The taste of all his feelings; dense and chaotic.

Moving his gaze away from hers, the actor lowered his head and reached for a dish towel to dry his hands. Hope took the rest of the groceries out of the bag, saying that they should start cooking soon if they wanted to have lunch before two o'clock. It wasn't long before the two of them were walking around the kitchen looking for ingredients and pans. From time to time, the actress checked the recipe on her cell phone to see if the chicken was being seasoned properly, while Scott prepared the pie dough.

She had her forehead marked in concentration, lightly biting the pad of her right thumb, a habit she bought while rolling the screen of her cell phone with her other hand. Scott laughed quietly, not wanting to get her attention, put the dough aside to rest and pulled out a wooden board to cut the mushrooms. A bag of flour was resting on the cutlery so that its contents wouldn’t spill through the opening, and looking at that, the man had an idea. Hope was so focused on the recipe that she didn't see when her best friend reached over to the bag of flour, took a handful of it in his hand, and threw in her face.

It took her a few seconds to think, the flour now covering her cheek, her nose, and a part of her bangs. Scott tried to contain his laughter, but it was in vain; his face became red, and he already felt his bellyache. The woman stared at him, her mouth open in disbelief and fury shining in her green eyes.

“You didn't!”

He continued to laugh, not knowing where the idea of getting it came from. _ Oh, she was going to kill him_. And as if she could read his thoughts, the actress reached out and filled her hand with flour, throwing it in his face in a fraction of seconds. Scott just had time to close his eyes.

Hope's laugh gradually grew and the anger in her eyes was replaced by the joy of the game. The actor raised his hand to remove the flour from the view and laughed again, feeling his heart pounding in his chest, such happiness that he felt.

Then mushrooms and chopped carrots flew back and forth in the kitchen, starting a food fight.

* * *

Serafina was dozing with her back to the floor, next to the door that connected the living room and the terrace. The curtains drifted slowly in the wind and the sun bathed the black and silky fur of the cat, making it shine. Her tail swung unhurriedly from side to side and repeatedly, like the pendulum of a pedestal clock.

Hope sighed, feeling a little peace that Friday afternoon brought her. It wasn't something she had been feeling lately, not in that literal way. There were times when it might even seem to hit her, however, what she felt there was something entirely different. Inexplicable. She could close her eyes for a few seconds and visualize all the moments that led her to that full of feelings. Being in the company of her friend did her good, she knew that. A sweet smile and a lost look plastered her face, while thoughts with name and surname monopolized her mind: Scott Lang.

The actress raised her legs to the couch, trying to contain a laugh and remembering the events of earlier. She had never been a person who got involved in food fights, pillow fights, or anything else considered inappropriate for her age, but when it came to her best friend, she felt she could go to the stratosphere if they were together. With Scott, Hope felt safe to act like a child. That man had a sense of humor that made her jealous, he told the worst jokes and played the strangest games, but that made her laugh until she cried.

He treated her differently from other people. He was the first to ask if she was okay when something happened, and his hands always carefully touched her. His eyes delivered something almost material, a unique green that seemed to burn every time he looked at her. Hope liked it all and wanted to be able to give it back in the same way.

And there, sitting on the couch with her hair damp from the recent shower, she was almost able to ask herself why she felt all that about him. However, before any scary thoughts formed and further confused her, Scott appeared in the room, drawing her attention.

“Hey, I opened the bathroom window after I left. Where can I leave my towel?” He asked, standing a few steps away from her.

Hope looked at him, and when she did, she felt her throat dry. His best friend was only in his jeans, with bare feet, bare chest, and wet hair. It took the woman a moment to orient herself because the view had taken her breath away. Scott was slim, but his arm muscles were marked and his chest was well defined, with a little bit of hair here and there. Looking down, she managed to count his six packs and notice his birthmark, a darker skin tone and about the size of a dollar coin, close to his navel.

“La-Laundry room…” That was all he dared herself to say, before watching him turn his back and walk down the corridor that he came.

When the heat on her face subsided, she started thinking again. It had been almost impossible for her to block out the thoughts and feelings that his words had brought her. Hope had no intention of comparing Scott's attitudes to her fiancé, however, when faced with some similar circumstances, her mind always played tricks on her.

Why did the mere mention of him opening the bathroom window when he got out of the shower, make the woman uncomfortable because Darren didn’t do the same? She had already lost count of how many times they argued over that nonsense. Pausing to think about that moment, they never seemed to agree and always fought over everyday things: a closed window, someone arriving late or a shoe left near the front door.

After taking a deep breath, the woman made a mental note to talk about everything that bothered her during dinner that night, including the little things. Internally, she hoped that _something _would change, be it for better or for worse. A voice sounded interrogative in her mind, wondering what action would cause what consequence, but she also didn't have that answer. The only conclusion that throbbed in her thoughts was that her life couldn't go on like that.

“So…” Scott's voice echoed in her head, making her notice that he had returned to the room. “What do you think about watching that new show with Richard Armitage? The Murder of_ Whatever_. What's the name again?”

Hope laughed, watching her best friend make his way over and sit next to her. When the other side of the sofa was occupied, she could smell the shampoo and the heat he emanated. Trying not to look at Scott's bare chest again, the woman bit her bottom lip.

“I’d love to watch The Murder of_ Whatever _with you, but…”

“But?”

“I have a dinner date with Darren tonight.” She murmured, losing her smile to a frown. “Sorry.”

The instant Scott heard those words, his expression changed completely, which didn’t go unnoticed by Hope. She saw the joy of moments ago escape, his eyes lose their brightness, and a sense of guilt spread throughout her body. Guilt because she could feel her friend's disappointed countenance and because she had become aware that she had ruined that day, that had everything to be perfect. In that second, she hated herself and hated Darren. Realizing the raw feeling that emanated from her chest, she began to feel strange, as if the words she said earlier had ruined everything and no longer made sense.

After all, why apologize to a friend for going out to dinner with your fiancé? With that question hanging over her head, the actress realized that she didn't want to leave the bubble they were in because it wasn't worth it.

“I’d better go, then.” He tried to smile, masking disappointment.

When he moved to get up from the couch, the woman despaired internally. All she wanted at that moment was to go back in time and take back what she had just said. Thin fingers reached Scott's hand as soon as he was standing, and he looked at her again, his dark brows furrowed in confusion.

"You don't have to..." Hope whispered.

The man smiled, adjusting the fit of his hands so that their fingers could intertwine with each other. The touch was warm and perfect, which made her smile too and forget, for at least a second, that he was leaving.

“It’s better if I do.”

Before letting go of Hope's hands, he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. In the blink of an eye, Scott was already crossing the room toward the hall, probably to put on his shirt and leave the place. Snorting, the woman fell back on the couch and asked whoever was listening that things were easier.

Serafina, who had just woken up from her nap, stretched for a few seconds and walked over to her owner.

"Oh, Serafina," Hope lamented, "what happened to my life?

In response, the cat just meowed.

* * *

It was after 7:00 in the evening when Scott opened a bottle of beer.

Leaning on the window, he watched the sky turn orange, while _ “Let's Fall in Love for the Night” _ played at a low volume in the living room behind him. While enjoying the privileged view from his apartment, he was able to confirm a few things: that the golden hour was really golden, that FINNEAS was a good singer, and that Hope Van Dyne was getting ready for her date with Darren Cross.

That morning had been a roller coaster of emotions and feelings. First, a slow climb and a few seconds at the top of the world, which made his stomach tremble in anticipation, and then, the dizzying way down that hadn’t been pleasant at all. His best friend's words threw cold water on him, something that took him out of the alternate universe that his mind had created and showed him the reality.

Scott brought the bottle close to his mouth and took another sip of the drink, trying to swallow the bile that tasted bitterly like a disappointment. He would never have her and realizing it hurt like hell.

Awakening him from deplorable thoughts, his phone vibrated in the back pocket of his pants and it took only two seconds to move the bottle to the other hand and get the phone. On the screen, a message from his manager could be seen:

“_I sent what you asked me by email. Let me know after you read everything.” _

With the shadow of a smile appearing on his face, the actor walked over to the couch and picked up the laptop lying there, placed his feet on the coffee table, and accessed his e-mail as soon as he felt comfortable. The inbox was a mess, but he was able to identify Thor's message easily. The subject said "Snake Eyes" and below it was a PDF file, nothing more.

After a few clicks, the file was open. The first thing Scott identified was the name of his character and the list with everything he needed to know. He would be Damian Clevenger, a bearded magnate, who had just arrived in London and who had soiled his hands with blood more times than he could count.

The actor breathed happily after reading a few pages, that show was very different from everything he had ever done, which made him excited. His mind screamed to accept the opportunity and immediately fly to England.

_ However_... However. There would always be a however. And, to be honest, the man was tired of it. It was time to change his life, stop fantasizing hypothetical situations, or wish for something he couldn't have.

Just after he emptied the beer bottle with a long swallow, he took out his phone, letting his fingers slide over the keyboard before texting Thor. When the message was sent, Scott stared at it for a while.

“_I’m in." _

He just hoped he was doing the right thing.

* * *

“What do you think of this yellow dress? It's cheerful!” Ava's voice was muffled since she was halfway into her friend's wardrobe.

Hope turned her head, her eyes lost and her eyebrows raised said that she wasn’t sure what she heard, but she answered anyway.

“I don't know if I like the yellow one…”

It was a quarter to eight. The actress postponed everything she could until it was almost time for her date with Darren, and when she was lost, Ava had to get involved. The woman ran there as fast as she could, helped with makeup in record time, and was now working on choosing the perfect outfit.

Hope let out a despondent sigh as she watched the night from her bedroom window, and wondered if this was the best path her life could take.

“Why did you buy it then?” That answer came out with a laugh.

The moment their eyes met, the short-haired woman tried to smile, which didn't quite work out. Ava stared at her for a few seconds, before hanging the dress back up, walking a few steps, and kneeling in front of her friend.

"Hey, don't be tense," the dark-skinned woman said, holding Hope's hand.

“Don't tell a lung not to breathe…” She said, with the same dull and lifeless smile. “It's just…”

Without being able to say anything else, an exhausted sigh escaped from her throat and she looked away at the window again. Hope couldn't understand anything about that inner mess, her head said one thing and her heart cried out another. She was tired, she felt like canceling that dinner, getting into a fort of covers and pillows and staying there until she disappeared, but that was impossible.

“I know, I know,” Ava murmured, stroking her friend's hand with her thumb.

Hope always was the type of person who thought a good conversation solved everything, but when it came to her own life, she didn't know what to do. Maybe that night was just another emotional drain, a fight that Darren would win.

“I don't want to have to talk about it or think about this anguish that doesn't end... But I know I need to do it and it frustrates me!” She confided, and as in every moment she felt ready to break, she just pulled her best friend's hand away and moved her head to the side, feeling her eyes water.

Ava took a deep breath and got up from the floor, returning to where she was before.

“Do you know what you're going to say to him?”

Hope thought for a few seconds, and when she opened her mouth to answer, nothing came out.

“I don't even know how to start…” Another tired sigh escaped her lips and, taking advantage of the fact that her friend was on her back, decided to expose what tormented her. “We’ve been together for five years, not five months. It’s not easy to end it all... As I know it won’t be easy to keep this relationship if anything doesn't change, but…”

She broke off before tears could escape her eyes and smear her makeup.

“You know I'm here regardless of how it unfolds, right?” Ava said, putting her head out of the wardrobe and smiling a little.

For the first time in a few hours, the actress truly smiled.

“I know, thank you.”

“Don't thank me for that, I'll always be here for you…” Removing a black dress from the hanger, the singer smiled and continued: “Thank me for finding the perfect dress.”

Hope looked at the dress and chuckled. If everything went wrong, at least she would be pretty.


	5. You aren't in love, you're just engaged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope decides to follow her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since i couldn't find anything i liked, i made up the restaurant. enjoy ♥

Hope was restless when her eyes focused blindly on the leather upholstery in front of her. She was being guided by her private driver to her dinner date with Darren and felt that her thoughts would make her deaf before she even arrived at the restaurant. The La Dépaysé¹ was far from her apartment, then, trying to dispel the anxiety that was consuming her, she asked the driver to drive slowly while she organized her thoughts. This would probably be the most decisive moment of her life, since her first audition where she was shaking with fear that she might fail and disappoint her father. In fact, she was sure that this was the most decisive moment of her life because in no memory she remembered her hands sweating so much amid nervousness.

Darren was unpredictable. He could agree with her a hundred percent, settle everything in ten minutes and turn that night into something really pleasant, as well as making the dinner a living hell, eliminating any vestige of hope of fixing the things Hope might have. <strike>(Unintended pun)</strike>

To be honest, the woman couldn't say when her fiance's behavior changed. At first, he was kind, brought her flowers, and touched her in the most possible delicate way. She fell in love with it, let it go easily. But then, Darren stopped treating her like a gemstone and started to see her like a golden trophy, which he displayed up and down.

Hope felt the car slow down and looked out the window, the tinted window made the street darker, but she could still see the building on the other side.

“We're here, Miss Van Dyne,” the driver said, as soon as the car officially stopped.

The actress took a deep breath. It was time to face her worries, to prevent the snowball that was her life from building up strength and knocking it down halfway.

"Thank you, Brock," she replied, looking into the man's brown eyes in the rearview mirror. “Find somewhere to park, I don't know how long it’ll take me.”

He just shook his head in confirmation, before Hope grabbed her bag and opened the car door. The cool of the evening reached her the moment her feet touched the floor and she thanked herself mentally for at least wearing a coat over her dress. Her heels clicked on the sidewalk with every step she took, and within seconds she was already walking through the building's doors.

The interior of the building was very sophisticated, decorated in shades of gold and ivory, with a long red carpet connecting the entrance to the reception. The actress crossed the indicated path, greeted the receptionist and asked about the restaurant, the other woman smiled politely and walked around the counter, escorting Hope to the elevator area in the adjacent corridor, where a couple was standing. They didn't notice her until the transport arrived and she had to go through both of them to press the button on the top floor.

As she settled in the back, she watched the woman in front of her lean towards the man and laugh quietly at something he said. The couple was immersed in their own world, expelling happiness through every pore of their bodies. For a moment, Hope was jealous and found herself thinking about her relationship with Darren again, thinking how long since she had experienced that happiness when everything was still new, mysterious, and she just wanted to know about love. She missed the laughter, the clasped hands, and the passionate looks, where, at that point, there were only fights and disagreements. She wondered when things went wrong and her heart stopped beating for the one who had put a ring on her finger.

The familiar sound of the elevator woke her from her daydreams and the couple left as soon as the doors opened. Hope looked at the metal sign, the red neon numbers indicated there were still a few floors to go to the restaurant, so she just waited, forcing her brain to focus on anything but her problems. However, her distraction didn’t last more than a few minutes, as soon the doors opened and gave her access to the top floor.

The entrance hall was open-air, with a few tables spread out and a wonderful view of the city. Because of the cold temperature that night, she wished internally that the reservation made by her fiance was in the internal area. The actress walked to the small queue of four people, besides her, and waited behind a couple with a baby. The little boy had his head on a tall man's right shoulder and looked no older than a year, with short, curly hair and two dimples in his cheeks, which appeared when he smiled widely at her. Hope couldn't help smiling back, cute children made her weak.

In that second something inside her burned, something that made her heart squeeze and her eyes burn. Suddenly, her emotions seemed to have taken shape and built walls around her, preventing her from seeing anything beyond her own thoughts. Observing that scene, it was inevitable that Hope's mind would endeavor to recreate that scenario, changing the characters, and transforming it into a photograph of a future that belonged only to her. Her future with Darren. Darren holding a small human being in his arms while she smiles, wearing a feeling very similar to happiness.

However, there was a kind of dream of escape inside that glass box, and reality seemed to be the only obstacle in the fantasy she was trying to create. Pain pressed into her body. Unlike smiles and all the inherently good feelings for human beings, Hope could only see fragments of a worn, fragile feeling, remnants of something that had already been whole. Of course, she had already dreamed about having children with him, a big house with a huge yard and a garden with flowers of various colors; but then, why did that thought cause her to be flooded with a potency of painful emotions?

Before she could answer that intrinsic question, a blond man took the baby from the taller man's arms and, smiling, the three walked through the restaurant door. The actress stood there for a while, looking out into the empty space, while her mind made her wonder if the life she wanted was the same life she was going to have.

Blinking her eyes twice and turning her thoughts away, she walked over to a young boy standing near the entrance. He had an iPad in his hand and a metal plate attached to his shirt with a written name: Jack.

“Good evening, welcome to La Dépaysé!” He greeted, smiling truly.

"Thank you," she replied, smiling in the same way. “I have a reservation in the name of Darren Cross.”

“Your name please?” He asked, moving his eyes to the electronic device.

“Hope Van Dyne.”

Jack typed in a few things and then smiled again, looking back at her.

“Okay, here it is. Darby will take you to your table.”

A girl who didn’t appear to be more than twenty-five years old was standing a few steps ahead, she wore a uniform similar to Jack's and also had an identification plate with her name on it.

“Come with me, please!”

When she finally entered the restaurant, the familiar feeling of having been there calmed her. The decor remained the same since the last time and that, for a few seconds, filled all the turbulence in her mind. The reservation was made for a table by the large window and the sight almost made Hope forget to breathe. The night had stars dotted in the sky and, as if that weren’t enough, windows in other buildings also shone in the view, while the city reverberated below it.

“Would you like to drink something, Miss Van Dyne?” The girl's voice sounded gentle, monopolizing her attention.

"Just water, thank you very much," she replied, as she sat down on the padded chair.

Darby just nodded in understanding and walked away, leaving the woman alone with her thoughts again. Her hands sweated, a reflection of her inner torment for every second she spent alone on that table. A waiter appeared, bringing a glass of cold water with him, and asked if she was ready to order. Hope denied it. She didn't know how many minutes passed, but her instinct just spoke louder when her hand slipped between the zipper on her handbag and reached for her cell phone.

_ "I’m here," _ she texted to Darren and the notice that the message had been received appeared. _ "Let me know if you're going to be late." _

Ten minutes later, the waiter returned and she ordered a glass of wine. After half an hour, the view from the window was no longer interesting, her fiancé had given her no answer, and the blood drink ran down her throat like water. When the watch said she had been there for over an hour, the woman lost the count of how many glasses of wine she had.

She couldn't believe what was going on. Darren, again, had failed with her and in the worst possible way. The moment Hope agreed to go to that date, she thought there was still a chance, even if minimal, of rescuing her engagement from the impending end. Apparently, she was wrong.

_ "Really, Darren?" _

_ "I've been here for almost 2 hours!" _

She typed, without an answer again. Using the last strength left in her body, she called him, but the call rang until it went to voicemail.

_ "You’re a scoundrel." _

A torrent of uncontrollable tears ran down her eyes as her heart beat in frustration and offense against her chest. Hope tried to chase away the crying as best she could, but the tightness in her throat returned every few seconds. It was too humiliation for one night, she had to go. With a wave, she called the waiter.

"May I have the bill, please?" she murmured, never taking her eyes off the napkin that was rolled over on her desk. “I would like to take the bottle of wine too.”

She moved in a lethargic manner, and when she realized, she was already in the safety of her car, leaving behind a couple of hours that she insisted on forgetting.

The bottle weighed in her hands, and when the tears fell again, she wondered how she managed to be so stupid. The outcome of that night was something that was in front of her nose all the time, but she chose to ignore the signals that life gave to her, focusing on the rational side of her brain that told her to do what she thought was right.

Hope closed her eyes and let her thoughts drift, bits of memories came and went; cries, screams, and fights. The right side of the bed was empty, the sensation of the cold bathroom floor below her trembling body, and the reflection of an unrecognizable face in the mirror.

Altered voices, stress, apologies. So many attempts, so many disagreements.

Over, and over, and over again.

Questions.

_ Why does he treat me that way? _

She was tired, exhausted from the torments. All Hope wanted was a little calm, someone who knew how to treat her the way she deserved to be treated. And as if a light bulb had risen above her head, a name echoed in her mind, a name from someone who always brought her peace and happiness. She needed him.

“Brock?”

“Yes, Miss Van Dyne?” The driver replied, taking his eyes off the road for just a moment.

Hope opened her mouth, still a little hesitant and bewildered, unsure of her next words. Perhaps like a guiding lighthouse in the middle of a turbulent sea, a phrase suddenly appeared in her head: _ Choose what makes your heart vibrate... Despite all the consequences. _

She looked at the man, who was still waiting for an answer.

“Take me to Scott’s, please.”

Brock nodded and accelerated the car.

In the blink of an eye, the woman was cringing into the cool of the night again, before she went down to the window and told her driver to go home. She would take a taxi if necessary.

The doorman greeted her with a strange expression, and the actress knew he was wondering why she was there so late, but he let her up. The bottle of wine weighed a ton, the path to the apartment went by in a blur and she only realized that she rang the doorbell when the door opened and Scott appeared, bringing a startled look on his handsome face.

“Hope?” His voice was soft, which made her heart race. “What you’re doing here?”

“Hi,” she murmured, lifting the object she held in her hands with more force than necessary. “I brought some wine. Can I come in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Dépaysé¹ - french expression that means: being lost/out of your comfort zone)
> 
> 👀 well... something's coming in the next chapter


	6. I just wanna keep calling your name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Scott cross the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!  
first things first: i got up the rating. the smut is kinda graphic, but since s&l isn't an E kind of fic, i don't think it would be right to classify it as explicit, so M it is.  
if you're not old enough or don't feel comfortable reading, just skip the sex scene to the end!  
idk if i was able to write smut so i asked a friend for help, if you like it you can say "thanks Lola" in the comments.
> 
> no more, enjoy ♥

A part of Hope's brain begged her to leave. Fear was growing inside her soul, trying to protect her from a second rejection. However, her feet seemed to be stuck in the ground. The woman wanted to laugh and cry just for thinking about how pathetic she looked, but when looking into Scott's eyes, she found concern and kindness. A part of her screamed that it could be a hallucination created by alcohol and if it were she wouldn't mind drowning there.

Scott didn't answer, he just walked away from the door, giving her more space to pass through the entrance. At that moment the actress felt alive and sighed with relief as she entered the hall. Once inside, Hope waited for her best friend to lock the door and together they walked into the apartment.

A few seconds after seeing the familiar couch, she took off her coat and rested it on the armrest next to her bag, before placing the bottle of wine she was carrying on the coffee table. Every time she visited her friend, the coffee table was immaculately empty and neat. Maybe a television controller here or cell phone and keys there, but she had never found empty beer bottles. That was the first time.

“I'll get the glasses, help yourself!” Scott said, walking to the kitchen.

The woman sat on the couch and took off her heels, taking a deep breath afterward. For a second there was only silence, even the night was quiet and no noise came from the next room. In that second Hope felt her head spin, her throat dry and her eyes burn. It was as if she had been thrown in the middle of a forest in the dark and had to find her way home. She tried, God knows how she tried, but it was time to admit that she strayed too far from the trail and that she no longer knew in which direction the sun was rising.

Her best friend returned quickly, carrying a glass in each hand. After going over her legs so he could sit on the left side of the couch, he opened the bottle of wine.

“Do you wanna talk?” Scott asked, handing the drink over to the woman.

Hope nodded.

“My fiancé stood me up,” she laughed humorlessly before sniffing and raising her free hand to dry a stubborn tear. “He kept me waiting, alone, for almost two hours in that restaurant!”

She snorted and closed her eyes as she leaned over to lay her head on the shoulder of the man beside her. Scott ran his hand over her back and pulled her close. After a few seconds, he whispered:

"It wasn't the first time, was it?"

The woman opened her eyes at the same time as she frowned, a little confused and disturbed.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“It wasn't the first time he pushed you aside.”

Hope moved her gaze to the papaya-colored wall ahead, while the last words she heard echoed in her brain. Her heart ached when she - finally - understood what she took so long to realize.

“No, it wasn’t.”

Her expression twisted the instant the tears stung her eyes and her breathing grew stronger. At that moment she hated Darren and the whole situation. She hated being the only one trying, the only one looking for.

The woman felt helpless as if there was no more gravity and she had been left in space, adrift. Because there was nothing else she could do and it brought pain in her chest that she didn't even want for her worst enemy. She refused to cry. Scott pulled her even closer as if he felt what his friend needed, and she was grateful for that.

Tightening her body, Hope took the last sip from her glass and enjoyed the taste of the drink on her tongue.

“I don't know what happened, how things got lost that way…” She spoke again slower than before. “I wanted Darren to be different.”

With peripheral vision, she saw Scott lower his head and play with the rim of the glass.

"You deserve someone better," he murmured, "someone who sees you and loves you the right way."

The woman smiled and when she looked at him he was looking at her too, coping the same smile. Her heart beat faster and for the first time in a few hours she truly felt fine.

When she turned her head again her gaze stopped on the coffee table, passing from the bottle of wine she had brought to the beer bottles that were already there.

"You were drinking before I came here," Hope said turning to her friend again. “Why?”

Scott just shrugged.

“Life is complicated sometimes,” he confessed drinking the rest of the wine in his glass. “Drinking helps to cope.”

When she remained silent the actor got up from the couch and walked to the cupboard on the television set, taking out another bottle of drink.

“Gin?” Scott asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Why not?”

Hope liked the way Scott made her laugh and tried to distract her from her thoughts. He was light in the midst of any darkness. And maybe because of that, her confused - and a little drunk - mind had guided her here that night. Her heart needed the quiet that only her best friend could bring to the surface.

It was good to be with him, good in a way that made her laugh until her belly hurt and drink gin in glasses made for wine. Good in a way she never understood.

After placing the empty glass on the table, Hope got up from the couch.

“Wanna dance?” She asked suddenly with a faint smile playing on her lips.

Scott's expression was amused when he looked at her.

“Dance? Here? Right now?”

“Yes. Never heard that _ dancing _ helps people forget their problems?”

The man chuckled and walked over to her.

“I thought it was _ singing _.”

“Same difference.”

While her best friend laughed Hope took out her cell phone, scrolled for a few seconds, and then chose a song. The first chords of the Kaiak cover for _ Shut Up And Dance _started at the same moment that their bodies came together, following the slow rhythm. One of Scott's arms went around her waist while the other held her right hand in the air. The woman laid her head on his shoulder and sighed happily listening to him do the same thing.

The music continued but they moved no more than a few lazy steps. His body was warm and cozy, almost anesthetic. She didn't know if what she was feeling was the alcohol in her system or anything but it left her so in peace that for a measly second she was startled.

“What's wrong?” Scott asked concerned about her sudden movement to get away.

_ It was good to be with him. Good in a way she never understood. So far. _

Her best friend was everything she ever wanted, the person she wished Darren was.

The woman didn't notice when her heart sped up or when her feet moved forward until she had her hands on him again, but she understood other signs. Her green eyes went down to Scott's lips and she gasped in desire.

Hope knew why she wanted to kiss him. Because he was handsome. But before that, because he was kind. And before that, because he was smart and funny. The exact kind of smart and funny that made her roll her eyes a few times. Because she could imagine spending an entire afternoon with him without getting bored. Because he made her laugh, he had the best hug in the world and he knew exactly what to say. Because he was Scott.

Then she kissed him. Without warning and without permission. Simply because she couldn't do anything else.

Scott walked away after a while, out of breath and with a goofy smile on his face, a smile she copied as soon as she saw his.

“Hope, what…” He tried to say something but she interrupted him, kissing him again.

When the man's hands touched her face, the room seemed to spin and the space between them exploded. She has never been so lost in a kiss before. It was so good. Her heart kept beating wildly but there was no way to get Scott closer to her. Hope tasted him and realized she was starving all this time, no kiss ever burned her alive like that.

Maybe it lasted a few minutes or an hour, she couldn't say. All she knew was that kiss and how soft his lips were when they crashed into hers. Their bodies danced around the room again until Scott fell on the couch with Hope in his lap and a gleam in the eye that described everything.

She was stripped of guilt for wanting that touch so badly and just gave in to the moment. They had never been this close and she didn't know until then how her body needed it and everything just seemed... right.

Scott held Hope's face and kissed her deeply, eager for more. He could _think _later, but at that moment all he could do was feel. Feel her, the weight of her body on his and the urgent movements she made while trying to make their contact even more intimate. She was everywhere and that still wasn’t enough, he wanted to show her how loved she was. He could hardly believe they were there together and that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

Hope broke the kiss and placed her fingers almost timidly under his shirt, staring at him with her eyes blurred with pleasure.

"It's okay," Scott said, although she didn't say a word. He stroked her hair and kissed her chin, still looking at her.

"I know," she smiled and bit her bottom lip as she ran her nails lightly over Scott's stomach, pleased to feel his skin prickle at the touch and kissed him again.

He helped her pull his shirt up, leaving his chest exposed. Scott felt his skin burn under her gaze, not by shame but because he felt her desire. She seemed to consume him and he just wanted that feeling to last forever. He felt her thighs tighten even more around him and brought his hands to them, the access was very free since the dress she wore had gone up several inches when she sat on his lap.

Hope's heart was beating so hard in her chest that she could barely hear her breath but she knew how loud it must be since her chest was going up and down so heavily as Scott kissed her neck. She couldn't contain or hide as much as she wanted him and that was frighteningly exciting. She moved on his lap when he touched her thighs, longing for Scott's touch. And he seemed to know her like no one else because his next move was to bring one hand up to the middle of her legs, touching her over her panties.

Scott kissed every part of her neck that the cleavage left exposed while he stimulated her with his fingers and heard her moan in his ear. The sensation was surreal and he wanted her to feel as good as he felt at the time. He didn't know where it was going to take them, whether they would be in that same place tomorrow or a month from now, but tonight his focus was totally on her.

With some ease that he hadn't expected due to the alcohol he had, Scott stood with Hope in his lap feeling her wrap her legs around his body quickly. She didn’t ask any questions as she realized that he intended to take them to his bedroom. She hugged his body happily, enjoying all the heat he gave off.

When they reached the other room Scott put her on the bed and watched her for a moment, her hair was no longer perfectly aligned and her mouth was red from the kisses. She looked back at him with desire in her eyes and dropped to her knees on the mattress, approaching the edge, since he was still standing in front of her. Hope felt her body burn, all the desire she had ever felt for her friend was concentrated in that one moment as if it were something that waited for a long time. And she wanted it soon. She pulled him lightly by the waistband of her sweatpants, causing it to drop a few inches and with her thumb she circled the birthmark he had near his navel before daring to take her fingers inside the waistband, where she wanted to touch him.

Scott closed his eyes for a moment when he felt Hope wrap one hand around his cock, squeezing him tightly. She didn't have as much freedom to move as he was still dressed and even though the feeling was amazing, it wasn't enough. He took her wrist, stopping her from keeping that going and pushed her until she was lying on the bed, kneeling next to her in the process. The black dress she was wearing was tight on her body but easy to take off and he did it quickly, revealing her half-naked body. He held back his desire to say how beautiful she was as he approached her again.

Her body was smooth and warm under his, molding itself perfectly to him. He kissed her, moving his hips toward hers for contact and she replied to the movement in the same way, feeling his dick pressed between her legs, right where she wanted him to be. Hope moaned more, wiggling a little, making it clear to him what she wanted.

The woman bit her lip, thinking about what it would be like to be filled in by him at that very moment. Not wanting to wait another second she put her hands on the waistband of his pants and pulled them down, the fabric was light which made it easy. Scott knelt quickly between her legs just to help her take off his pants and she finished pulling the underwear with it, leaving him naked in front of her.

Hope lost her breath at the sight, her whole body vibrating at a disconcerting rhythm. When she looked up Scott was looking at her, his eyes shining in something beyond the carnal pleasure they were feeling. With that, she felt good and daring enough to raise her body a little and unbutton her bra at the back. The black, lacy fabric slid down her arms and she tossed it anywhere in the room, exposing the pale skin of her breasts and the rosy nipples slightly stiff.

Scott gasped, completely hypnotized by her. He wanted to do it slowly, enjoy every part of her body as if it were the last time he would touch her - and maybe it would.

Her breasts were more than inviting, so he closed his right hand around one of them, feeling the soft flesh fit perfectly in his palm and he wondered how it would look like in his mouth. He wanted to taste her in a way that no one else has done before and would have to do it specially, with all the affection she deserved. With all the pleasure he wanted her to feel.

He decided to focus on her, ignoring his hard, throbbing dick. She deserved every possible attention and he was going to give it to her. He bent over her again to kiss her neck, making a trail of kisses up to her breasts. Hope took a deep breath under him, bringing her hands to Scott's dark hair where she tightened her fingers between the strands. He started with a soft kiss on one of the nipples, just a brush of his lips on the rosy skin, which was still able to make her shiver and continued to circle his tongue around the nipple before sucking and licking it.

Hope bit her bottom lip, breathing heavily. It was as if all of her senses were heightened and the contact with Scott intensified them more and more, leaving her sensitive and pulsating in every corner of her body. She moaned the moment he grabbed the other breast, treating it as carefully as he had the previous one. When he shifted his attention to her neck again, her nipples were still stiff and sore.

“Can I?” He asked, moving closer to her again, his mouth pressed to her ear.

Hope just nodded, too weak to speak because his hand was traveling a dangerous path into her panties. He rubbed his thumb against her clit, teasing her for just a second before going down to the point where she was wetter and slowly introducing a finger inside her.

Scott moaned at the sensation, she was so wet and hot, ready to have him. He took off his finger to finally remove Hope's panties, leaving her naked and returned to caressing her most sensitive spot, making her shiver under him, groaning his name and pressing him against her. It was exciting for him to see her feeling pleasure because his pleasure came from hers. His body corresponded to her in a connection that was difficult to explain in words. They moved in a synchronized rhythm, a smooth dance that had a common goal.

He kissed her again, leaving her pale skin stained with red marks that indicated his passage through her breasts, rib and belly. The actor was kissing and licking the entire length of her abdomen causing tremors throughout her body.

Scott couldn't contain his own wheezing, becoming more and more excited as he got to know her body. He kissed her underbelly and Hope felt her heart beat faster, she moaned at the thought and shivered at the feel of his lips touching her sex. His breath was hot against the sensitive flesh and all her desire came out, making her even more excited. Her entire body seemed to beg for him and she moaned his name, automatically reaching up to Scott's head to hold him right where he was. She could barely control her movements and moaned loudly for him, wanting more and more.

Hope was taken by Scott, shaken and disconcerted. He almost drowned her with so much love, so much pleasure, so much of him.

She came in his mouth, losing track of where she was for a moment, weak even to stop a scream and it was the best feeling anyone had ever given her. Her climax was like a release and although she felt drained, she wanted even more of him. She opened her eyes to see him between her legs, his lips wet from her orgasm along with a small smile of satisfaction which should reflect the smile she had.

Hope pulled him lightly by the shoulders and Scott followed her request, rising until he reached her gaze and kissed her.

"I want you," she whispered, her voice affected by anxiety.

She felt so ready to have him that her body seemed to ache with so much restrained desire. She wanted to feel him inside her and knew he wanted her just as much.

The man settled on the mattress when her legs wrapped around his waist. Their eyes connected again and Hope didn't hesitate to raise her hand and touch his cheek with her fingers.

He was so handsome. And that night he was all hers too.

Scott kissed her deeply and positioned his dick with his hand, before slowly pushing himself into her.

They broke the kiss and groaned, hoarse and ecstatic. He was warm and soft, completing her perfectly. Hope wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to make him even closer in some way and her body seemed to be filled with love, leaving her breathing ragged and her heart racing.

Their rhythm was slow but deep. Scott squeezed both sides of her hips with his hands, closing his eyes to appreciate the way his cock slid into her soaked cunt. That was enough to make him ecstatic, crazy with pleasure, crazy about her.

Hope pulled his face, trying to memorize every expression and every sigh. He looked at her and smiled, making her smile too.

Other kisses came, followed by moans and some swearing, while they losing the sense of speed and time and hand themselves into the feeling of being together for the first time.

It was wonderful how they could complete each other in so many ways. The pleasure they allowed themselves to give was like a physical extension of what they felt for each other. And it soothed, healed and was pure, even if it had every reason not to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> english is not my first language so i'm sorry for any mistakes ♥

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked this feel free to leave kudos or even a comment ♥  
and if you wanna talk to me, i'm @belongsory on twitter


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